Most people that haven’t met me in person may not suspect I’m an introvert. My writing typically reflects that of a more extroverted person but many of my insights derive from my time spent observing rather than more directly interacting. Introversion is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I see the most successful people as extroverts. My ideal self is not an introvert. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs and a couple other tests and they always result with me as an introvert. Even though I would try to answer the questions accurately, I still held a bit of bias. That would occasionally lead me into the trap of answering in the image of my ideal self, rather than my actual self. Quite peculiarly, the test would still render me as an introvert. I suppose that despite what I am in my mind’s eye, I will always be an introvert.
Introversion definitions
Merriam-Webster defines introvert as “A person whose personality is characterized by introversion: a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone”
According to Encyclopedia Britannica, “introvert and extravert, basic personality types according to the theories of the 20th-century Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. According to these theories, an introvert is a person whose interest is generally directed inward toward his own feelings and thoughts, in contrast to an extravert, whose attention is directed toward other people and the outside world. The typical introvert is shy, contemplative, and reserved and tends to have difficulty adjusting to social situations. Excessive daydreaming and introspection, careful balancing of considerations before reaching decisions, and withdrawal under stress are also typical of the introverted personality. The extravert, by contrast, is characterized by outgoingness, responsiveness to other persons, activity, aggressiveness, and the ability to make quick decisions.”
Struggling to Find Purpose in Introversion
So, despite my desires, here I am stuck with an introverted personality. Not exactly what I always viewed as success. However, experience taught me there are certain parts worthy of leverage. Like the fact that I tend to be the quiet and reserved one in the group. I’ve found you can really learn a lot by listening rather than spending all your time talking. But I think the way I interact in groups is more than just the introverted personality type. It’s also other personality traits. Such as conversational skills. One thing can certainly lead to another.
Honing conversational skills requires one to actually interact with people. That is something I’ve struggled with over my life as an introvert. It became a habit that I formed and refined throughout my lifetime. Saying “no, thank you”. It is a well-formed skill and it often comes out of my mouth quicker than I can even entertain the option presented to me. I’ve made much of a habit of spending time alone more than with a group. That’s not to say that I don’t love the company of my wife or even small groups. On the contrary, I enjoy spending all my time with her. Some folks need those intermittent breaks from their spouse to maintain the relationship. Not me. I can spend every waking moment with her and never get tired.
Compounding Challenges
The introversion is more of an issue regarding acquaintances and larger group gatherings. I’ve never particularly enjoyed being in large crowds. That’s now compounded by hearing loss that affects my ability to hear well in crowded spaces. Asking someone to repeat something once can feel like it’s not a particularly big deal. Asking twice feels like it could be a minor annoyance. If I must ask someone to repeat something a third time, it’s quite embarrassing and makes me feel like a burden. In some ways, it makes me avoid crowds even more. The noise makes it much more difficult for me to hear conversations. That compounds my lack of joining in and just going with the flow because I can only make out part of the conversation. I’m really working on being more outgoing even if it can be exhausting.
Some folks confuse introversion with other social inhibitions. I sometimes find myself exhausted while even in a one-to-one conversation. Introverts draw their energy from being more alone than in crowds. It doesn’t mean we cannot do it. It just means it drains us more. That contrasts with extroverts that draw their energy from crowds and socialization. I’m working on this reflex of saying no to so many things. I believe one of the paths of growth is to engage with more people. If I don’t find better ways to engage more frequently with people, I do not think my growth will continue to the level I want to achieve.
What I’m Doing for Growth
I am now intentionally seeking out more in-person engagements with folks around me. My interest in people and creating my ideal-self drives me to move into a space I previously avoided. While it can sometimes be a bit uncomfortable to find the energy or to spend more time in groups, meeting the challenge creates its own level of fulfillment and growth. I’m still working on how to find better ways to build the habit of saying ‘yes’ rather than ‘no’. Always a work in progress.
Read my story here.