Success is addictive. Winning creates a natural high. So, why would anyone seek out failure? Even the perception of failure, no matter how private, invokes a pervasively negative feeling. We begin learning from an early age what we’re good at and develop a sense of avoiding the things we know aren’t our strongest area of expertise. The more we avoid it, the more of an aversion we create for ourselves. 

This causes us to seek and attempt things we feel confident we will achieve successfully. If our confidence level is low enough, we will not attempt the action or activity, no matter how important the outcome. This is also known as talking ourselves out of attempting something. The more we achieve success by avoidance, the more we reinforce this decision-making process. Eventually, we become quite adept at predicting success or failure and use it as a singular influence on our decision to pursue or avoid an activity or action. 

Lack of full success as failure

There is no celebration for failure. The closest thing that comes to mind are the often loathed ‘participation trophies’, that were largely intended to build childrens’ self-esteem. An experiment gone horribly wrong? Or did it cause more people to try something new? There are studies that will demonstrate success or failure, but the practice often draws a visceral reaction. The point is, it is the closest thing to celebrating failure we may see. 

Good sportsmanship practice is found throughout most sports, worldwide. Don’t be a sore loser. Don’t be a sore winner. Bad sportsmanship practices are discouraged through lack of support by teammates, rules in a given sports league, and even fines imposed in some cases. This does discourage some of the damaging denigration from losing the competition. But as typical, it pays to be a winner. We celebrate success to the point that anything else is always undesirable. 

Flipping the script

What if the journey and our experience was the success? What if the result wasn’t the objective? We would be more inclined to freely jump into and experience things without the fear of failure. Especially public failure. Because we wouldn’t see it as a failure at all. We would see it as success regardless of the outcome. Because we learned something valuable in the process. Knowledge begets more knowledge. 

Learning is always a journey. There will always be successes and failures along the way. Normalizing failure as part of the learning process emboldens people to do more. Try harder. Take chances. If the failure is punitive, no one wants to attempt something they aren’t relatively certain they’ll succeed at. This doesn’t mean we go looking for or expecting failure. It simply means we get comfortable with success and failure equally. 

What I’m doing

My biggest failures are the ones I experienced quietly and felt I needed to hide. Building and growing in public can feel pretty intimidating at first. But I’ve found it helps me with a feeling of outward accountability and with feeling like what I’m doing is growth, no matter the level of success. Particularly as we become adults and mature, finding people that ridicule our failures becomes increasingly scarce. That’s why I’m building a circle of supportive folks that help keep me accountable. 

Trying and failing is ok. Success isn’t always simply the end result. Sometimes it’s the knowledge and experience gained in the pursuit of success. Even if we ultimately fail at what we’re pursuing, it is still more successful than if we’d never tried. No matter our assessment of success, get out and try something new. And don’t be afraid to publicize the journey. It’s actually quite freeing. 

Hi, I’m Ben Hall, a recovering self-saboteur that’s learning to overcome the doubts associated with imposter syndrome. 

I’ve largely found success in construction and military service while living in the fear of discovery. 

I now write to understand and reflect on my thoughts to overcome my self-doubt while breaking into tech. 

Read my full story here.